


Changing the Question

by TurnUps



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash lives, Double proposal, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Proposing at the same time, and theres a consideration of his future, of their futures together and how that would work, passing mention of ashs past, rated t for a few f bombs, thats all there is to it lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27999972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurnUps/pseuds/TurnUps
Summary: Sometimes Ash hesitated before he kissed Eiji, even though he knew that it was wanted. That Eiji would kiss him back. Sometimes, there was a spark of panic after he said, 'I love you,' even though he knew Eiji would say 'I love you too.' Sometimes, he couldn't explain why he was - unresponsive - or struggling to breathe - or shaking - but knew that he didn't need to, because Eiji knew it all. Understood.So he was also sure what Eiji's response to his question would be.And yet his palms were damp and his heart stuttering as he slipped the square box into the pocket of his jacket.Eiji appeared a moment later, grabbing that awful pink jacket from the pride of place hook at the door and asking if he was ready. Ironic."As I'll ever be."*Ash is planning to propose. Things don't quite go to plan.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 10
Kudos: 141





	Changing the Question

Changing the Question

Sometimes Ash hesitated before he kissed Eiji, even though he knew that it was wanted. That Eiji would kiss him back. Sometimes, there was a spark of panic after he said, 'I love you,' even though he knew Eiji would say 'I love you too.' Sometimes, he couldn't explain why he was - unresponsive - or struggling to breathe - or shaking - but knew that he didn't need to, because Eiji knew it all. Understood.

So he was also sure what Eiji's response to his question would be.

And yet his palms were damp and his heart stuttering as he slipped the square box into the pocket of his jacket.

Eiji appeared a moment later, grabbing that awful pink jacket from the pride of place hook at the door and asking if he was ready. Ironic.

"As I'll ever be."

They took the light rail into the city. They had a small place, just renting. Had considered moving to Washington – California – back to Japan. Anywhere. It was more of a game. Something that Eiji played whilst he lay in Ash’s lap, toying with his hair like a cat and a ball of string. Talking about a dozen different domestic lives they could have.

Domestic. Ash Lynx was domesticated. And happy about that.

“I love this.” Eiji grinned as they stepped off the platform. Onto the busy streets that Ash could navigate blind. Just instinctively _knew_ all of Manhattan. “The smoke from the underground and the yellow taxis.”

Ash raised an eyebrow. “Just like a movie.”

“Something like that.” Eiji nudged him. He had his camera round his neck, his hands on it, ready to take a shot. “Don’t you miss it?”

“Yeah.” Ash did. So much that when he lay in bed trying to sleep, his chest hurt. He missed his city. “I miss – gorging on junk food because its quick and warm and I don’t know when I’ll be eating next. I miss – nights in the bar. Drinking and playing pool. I miss sleeping whenever I want and everyone being too scared to wake me up.”

“So, everything before I came.”

“No.” Ash nudged him. “I liked you there. You’re not bad to wake up to.”

Eiji snorted, but smiled at him.

And he had to stop himself form delving into the speech, right there, on the street. No – he had to wait. Until they were somewhere that meant something.

"We could move back." Eiji was already there four or five times a week, working for Max. His camera was useful.

"No.” He put a hand on the small of Eiji’s back to guide him out of a tourist’s way. “We couldn’t.”

“Can’t afford it?” Eiji turned to smile at him. Caused people to tutt around him, as they made way, hurrying into the city.

They could. But it was with what was left of Golzine’s money. Eiji’s salary wouldn’t cover it. They’d have a few months before it all dried up.

“Something like that.” He smirked. The real reason was Max. Thought it was best that Ash stayed out of the city – stayed out of trouble – stayed as far away from the gang as possible. Like it was a smoking habit that he could kick.

Which he was also trying.

But Soo-Ling couldn’t let Eiji go. Kept asking when he was coming back into the city – when they could hang out again. So here they were. Every week or so. Because Alex – who ran the gang now – checked up on Ash. Still asked for advice. Still missed him.

_You’re a brother to me,_ he had texted. _I need you around._

Ash wanted to sob.

They met at Central Park. Because the trees gave some cover from the boiling hot New York sun. Summer. When they’d first met. It didn’t seem that long ago Eiji had asked to hold Ash’s gun, and he’d let him. Too early, most adults would say, to be considering the question Ash was. But it was different, with them. It had always been different. Impossible to explain to anyone else.

Eiji was immediately assaulted by Soo-Ling and Bones, hugging him and laughing as though they hadn’t seen each other in a year, when it had been two weeks. Soo-Ling talked excitedly to Eiji, a mile a minute, his cheeks flushed and his eyes shining.

Thankfully, Ash was not hugged. Instead, Kong gave him a friendly nod, and a smile. Alex grinned, and punched his shoulder lightly. So, he pretended to take a swipe at him.

They started through the park, Soo-Ling and Bones still talking rapidly, so that Eiji had to keep track of two conversations at once. The light shone through the leaves, dappling his skin in gold.

Alex noticed Ash looking. Raised his eyebrows. The smirk made Ash regret telling him what he’d planned. He scowled.

The park was busy. Full of tourists with tiny electric fans and maps, trying to spot the locations from movies. Arguing with each other because they had to get the whole of the city seen in one day. Workers on lunch breaks, balancing several coffee cups, and dogs scrounging for food.

“So, Ash, what's the plan?” Alex asked, next to him, his voice low. He was about to snap at him to shut up, because Eiji could definitely hear them, when Alex continued, “You can’t really retire this for good?”

He waved a hand in front of them, as though the whole gang was stood there. Guns, drugs and danger. But also late drinks at the bar, laughing until it hurt, and the distinct comradery that came from sharing everything. Those parts, he would miss. Would miss doing what he wanted when he wanted – sleeping in until the early afternoon without Eiji scolding him.

“Afraid so,” he said.

“Always thought Ash lynx would go out with a bang.”

Everyone had. People like Ash didn’t retire. They didn’t live long enough.

“You can say I died when I was stabbed.” Ash shrugged. “Or burnt in the fire. I'll change my name and hide in the desert.”

“Until a plucky youngster finds old Ben Lynx's computer?” Alex grinned. “And it has a message to save a princess on it?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Something like that.” Sighed. Because that was the trouble with not expecting to see his twentieth birthday. It left him with a life he didn’t know how to fill. “I don’t know. College, I guess.”

Kong nodded. “That's what young people do.”

It was partly encouraging, as though that made sense for Ash. But Kong also said it as though Ash was not young. He didn’t feel it.

“I was thinking law. Or - psychology.” He wasn’t. Max was. And when he suggested them, they sounded like good ideas. The opportunity to stop what had happened to Ash from happening to other people. To seek justice, without carrying a firearm.

“Can’t imagine that either.” Alex sniffed.

“Ash in a suit?” Bones had clearly heard them. “Every day?” He shook his head. “Cursed.”

And if Ash was truthful, he hated the idea too. He knew that both paths, in reality, would be dreadfully boring. Would become a nine to five job that he hated. Trapped, five days a week, at work. It was just the icing on the cake that suits made his skin crawl and his stomach heave.

He wished he was like Eiji, and was good at something creative. His past would lend itself to that nicely – like one of those dogs, or elephants who can draw – look – the gang leader and child prostitute can paint! What an inspiration!

Eiji – who was looking at him with just a little bit of worry on his face. Because he could read Ash so well, and knew that he hated this – hated thinking about the future. All apart from one aspect – the thing sat in his pocket.

“We’re looking around at colleges,” Eiji said, smoothly. “And keeping our options open.”

_Our_. Ash wanted to kiss him. He settled for taking Eiji’s hand, and squeezing it tightly. Eiji squeezed back, dark eyes full of stars as he looked at Ash.

“Are you going back to Japan?” Soo-Ling asked. Almost nervous.

They had considered it. Because out of the two of them, Eiji was the one with family. It was only fair he lived by them. But Ash – Ash, who knew French, passing amounts of Spanish and Italian, could stumble his way through a passage of Latin – struggled with Japanese. His mind simply wouldn’t remember it.

But it was also – “I don’t like being at home.”

Eiji had said it, nestled under Ash’s chin as they lay on the sofa, having abandoned work. Ash’s phone was on shuffle – New Kids on the Block played away to themselves.

“I feel like,” Eiji continued. “My mother and my sister remember me a certain way – expect me to still be like – that. And, when I’m not, they look at me like they don’t recognise me, or like they’re – disappointed. I don’t like that. I’ve changed too much to go home.”

Changed because of Ash. Because Ash had dragged him into everything, and given him a gun. Because Ash hadn’t made him go home when he should have. It was like Eiji knew exactly what he was thinking, because he sat up, so they were nose to nose.

“I’m sorry,” Ash managed to say, fingers tightening on the hem of Eiji’s shirt. The skin of his back was warm against his knuckles.

“I chose to stay. I wanted to stay.” He kissed Ash. “I love you, sweetie.”

Ash kissed him back. Raised his legs so that Eiji slipped to straddle him. He’d grinned, and peppered Ash’s jaw in kisses.

Now, Eiji glanced at Ash, and tucked a dark curl behind his ear. “Only on holiday.”

He squeezed Eiji’s hand again. He couldn’t say how much it all meant. So, he kept hold of it, hidden at their hips, as they continued along the path. To the boating lake – “from Stuart Little,” Bones cried – and of course the boys wanted a go.

They leant against the trees on the edge of the path. The box weighed heavy in Ash’s pocket. He could do it here, whilst no one else was paying attention. Under the trees, with Eiji’s hair shining, and his eyes full of stars. Could say that there were no words to describe how grateful he was that Eiji would give so much up for him, could sit through the trauma – Ash’s menagerie of problems. The very fact that he’d stayed was more than Ash ever thought.

The words were in his throat. All he had to do was curl his fingers around the box and pull it out. Eiji would know what was happening, and it would be easy then.

“You’ll be fine.”

Ash blinked.

Eiji smiled at him. Squeezed their hands. “You’ll figure out what to do Ash. And you’ll be brilliant.”

It knocked the words from him. Ash leant his head against Eiji’s shoulder.

“I love you,” was all he could whisper.

Which meant the speech would have to wait.

*

Eiji had all day, but he knew where he wanted to ask. Ash’s favourite spot in New York. He was sure of that. Was sure of Ash’s answer, but there was still a small voice in him that questioned it. Because Ash Lynx was not that kind of boy.

The box was heavy in his pocket. He knew Ash would never touch his China Town jacket – he’d never find it.

Sing asked for ice cream, as they came out of the park. They were just wandering, because Ash missed just being in the city. They’d all already seen the tourist places – several times. Eiji had dragged Ash to all of them that first Summer – before everything got so – got even more intense.

So he brought the ice cream on the edge of the park, and tried to subtly head towards the NYPL. Not that it was easy to be subtle, when Ash knew the whole of Manhattan like the back of his hand.

Alex, Eiji thought, had caught on. At least suspected something, with the way he kept raising his eyebrows.

Bones and Kong were eager to fill Ash in on the ins and outs of the gang, and Eiji didn’t miss the look in his eyes. They sparked with interest, however much he tried to hide it. Tried to hide that he put a hand to the waistband of his jeans, for his gun, several times a day, to come away empty handed. Tried to hide that he loved leading the gang. Loved hanging out in the bar until late, and sleeping most of the day off. Loved having a purpose, being on the streets and being alert every moment of the day.

But he was giving it up. Giving it all up. For Eiji. And he didn’t know how to say thank you for that, because – for _Eiji?_ The photographer from Japan? Who could barely shoot a gun and hated staying up late? (He’d often just fall asleep after midnight at the bar, and have to be shaken awake by Ash.)

Only a street away from the library. Eiji took a breath. Made sure for the thousandth time that he had the box.

“You want pictures?” Alex was right at his side.

Eiji jumped. Glanced at Ash, but he was walking in front, with Bones and Kong, deep in conversation.

“What?” he whispered.

Alex glanced to Eiji’s jacket. Raised an eyebrow. “Its obvious, what you’re up to.”

His face was flamed with heat. “Don’t tell.”

“As if.” Alex grinned. “Do you want pictures? Since you’ll be…”

“No.” Eiji did, actually, but he didn’t think Ash would thank him for it. Still no photos. “Well – not the face.”

“Got it.”

They were on the corner. Eiji could see the lions. Took another breath, but it was an effort. This was it. The moment. His heart raced, painful.

Ash turned back, smirking, and Eiji smiled back. As though nothing was wrong. As though he wasn’t about to explode.

He counted the steps. Focused on those familiar stone lions. Lions, lynxes – big cats flocked to big cats. The group was nearly there when Alex pulled Bones and Kong to one side. Said, loudly, that it was “big boy gang business, and absolutely top secret.”

Of course, Soo-Ling heard. Of course, he wanted to be involved. And suddenly it was just Eiji and Ash, on the steps of the New York Public Library.

This was it.

Eiji had to do it. Had to say it. But now he realised that he’d not thought this far. He’d thought the words would just – appear – when the needed them.

Ash’s hand brushed his. His voice was soft, when he said, “Eiji.”

It seemed like an effort for him to look from the library to Eiji. The sun made his hair shine gold. But there was a light behind his eyes – a glow – the kind he had when they lay in bed together, and saying they loved each other.

“I asked you – once – not to stay with me forever, just for a while.”

Oh – Eiji realised it. What was happening.

“Ash.” He had to stop him.

“I –” Ash looked down, hair falling in front of his face. “I want to thank you for staying. Because you became my reason for – for staying. Here.”

He turned back to the library. Chest heaving, as though it was painful. That was when Eiji couldn’t stand it, and dropped to his knee, as Ash continued, “When things got hard, it was you that I thought of. Because I love you.”

“Ash –” He tried again. The box was in his hand. All Ash had to do was turn.

People were looking. He saw them, out of the corner of his eye, turning and watching. Heard the guys, either talking about them, or still about whatever nonsense Alex had made up.

“I love you – so much.” Ash wasn’t paying attention to any of it. “I never – thought that I could. And I could never say goodbye to you.” He swallowed. Eiji’s chest ached. “Never. So I have to change that question –”

“ _Ash Lynx_.” Eiji raised his voice. Ash blinked, and turned, eyes shining. He seemed floored to see Eiji, kneeling, bemused and fatigued, but so relieved that Ash had the words he didn’t. “Marry me.”

Ash kept staring. As though he couldn’t register it. It didn’t even look like he was breathing. He took in the box. The glint of rose gold.

“But, I –” Ash fumbled in his jacket. And there was his own box in his hand, as he got down on one knee. Flicking it open – almost as naturally as pulling a trigger.

The band sparkled – like Ash’s eyes. Silver.

Eiji laughed. It was all he could do. To shake his head and say, “I couldn’t let you beat me.”

And that made Ash laugh too. A bright, bubbly sound. He pressed his forehead against Eiji’s, and the boxes bumped together. They kissed – shaking. Eiji, or Ash, or both of them – were shaking. Ash kissed Eiji again. Kept laughing.

He put his hands on Ash’s cheeks. To steady them. His skin was warm, under his palms, and it was hard to talk. “Is that a yes?”

Ash nodded. Kept nodding, looking unable to speak.

Another kiss. Eiji managed to take the ring out – managed to keep his hands steady as he took Ash’s hand and slipped it on. And he knew, when he brought it, that it would look right on Ash’s pale skin. But it felt right, too. Like a string, connecting the two of them.

Ash’s fingers shook, as he took Eiji’s hand. Pressed the ring on, gently. The silver bright against brown skin.

More kisses. And it felt like they couldn’t stop. Brief, chaste kisses that felt like a heartbeat – Eiji’s heartbeat. A butterfly against his ribs.

“Come on, you.” Eiji caught hold of Ash’s elbows, and helped him up. Kept hold of him. The ring seemed warm – as warm as the sun.

Ash cradled Eiji’s face. Still shaking. Buried his fingers in his hair, and kissed him. More deeply this time. Like Eiji was air – but that was fine, because he could barely breathe as it was.

He grinned. They were both grinning. Still laughing. Eiji buried his face in Ash’s shoulder, because there was applause all around them. Because there were wolf-whistles from Bones and Kong. Cheers and people happy for them –

Happy because they were engaged.

Ash’s face was buried in Eiji’s hair. He felt him take a long, shuddering breath as he held him.

They were engaged. It was such a strange, wonderful word. A word Eiji had never really thought about – not in relation to himself. But he thought he liked it.

Thought he liked the idea of marriage. If it was with Ash.

Ash – who whispered – “I’m going to be fucking married,” in Eiji’s ear.

And that made him have to kiss him. One more time. Because Ash Lynx had actually said yes – and to be married – and that

*

There were not a lot of people to tell. The gang knew instantly, thanks to Alex’s Instagram livestream. (Ash would find a way to delete that – he had to.) Not just them; Cain Blood had texted him, just an hour later, to say congratulations. So it was safe to assume that every gang member, or leader, in Manhattan had seen the video of Ash and Eiji kissing – and laughing – and kissing.

Eiji was on the phone for an hour when they got back home, cheeks still flushed pink and eyes shining. He spoke rapidly in Japanese. There was a lot of shouting from his sister. The good kind, Ash thought. They laughed a lot, and Eiji kept squeezing Ash’s hand. The ring dug into his skin. And he wanted it to press deeper, so that the mark stayed.

Then he spoke to his mother. And he shuffled on the sofa, tracing the lines of Ash’s palm, voice quiet. He hesitated more, before he replied, and bit his lip, until Ash teased it out with his thumb. Eiji forced a smile.

“It not go down well?” Ash asked, when Eiji hung up. The phone seemed to fall through his fingers, onto the sofa. He tucked himself against Ash, cheek on his shoulder.

“She’s just – worried,” Eiji said. Ash toyed with the dark hair curled at the nape of Eiji’s neck, because he could. “It’s not – recognised in Japan.”

Ash’s stomach lurched. “But, you can –”

“I can marry whoever I want abroad.” Eiji kissed his cheek, and smirked. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, Mr Lynx.”

A shiver ran down his spine. Would he even be Mr Lynx much longer? It wasn’t technically his name, and he didn’t need to be any longer.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He kissed Eiji’s forehead, and felt him fold even further into him.

“It’s just – for her –” Eiji’s finger traced the line of Ash’s collarbone. “This means that I’m not coming home. Not – permanently.” Just holidays. “And that’s hard for her.”

He caught Eiji’s hand. Kissed the ring, and it seemed like it hummed under him. “I’m sorry.” Sorry that Eiji was giving up so much for him. That he had put him through so much. Was sorry for everything. “But – your sister?”

Eiji squeezed Ash’s hand. And grinned. “Very happy that her good luck charm worked. Too well, she said.”

And no doubt conflicted as well, that her brother was staying in America.

He leant back against the sofa, arms around Eiji. They seemed to slot against each other perfectly.

“ _Oka-san_ will get used to it,” Eiji continued, softly. Untangled their hands to line them against each other, palm to palm, finger to finger. “She’ll have to.”

“Stubborn.”

A coy smile. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“It is,” Ash replied. “When you don’t do something _I_ want to do.”

The sparkle returned to Eiji’s eye. It wouldn’t be the end of it – there would be more conversations, more of Eiji thinking everything through. But for now, he could put it aside.

“But you love me.” Eiji kissed him, and that was the only thing that mattered in the world for a moment.

“And you love me.” It made his lips tingle, to say it. Ash pressed their foreheads together. “I’m glad I don’t have family to break it to.”

As if it was bad news. When, in reality, he couldn’t even begin to describe what he felt when he saw Eiji on one knee and just _knew_ what he was going to say. Awestruck, would be a start. Completely awestruck that he would – with Ash. He knew he would. But it was still – a shock.

“You do.”

“No.”

Eiji’s hand shoved his chest, lightly. “Max.”

“Not a chance.”

Yet, five minutes later, Ash had the phone in his hand, listening to it ring. Because Eiji had been insistent. Had promised that he’d fix shrimp and avocado salad for dinner, if he did. Because, if he was truthful, he did want to tell someone. Himself.

And Max – was not family – but he was somewhat close.

“Hey kid.” Max sounded distracted. Like he was doing something else.

“Max.” He tried to sound like he didn’t care. Like it wasn’t important. “Eiji said I should tell you.”

Eiji, who was sorting through photographs, on the other end of the coffee table, (so Ash couldn’t distract him with kisses), raised an eyebrow.

“You should!” He had Max’s attention now. He could imagine him straightening up, ears pricked like a golden retriever.

“That –” Ash took a breath. Because the word was not one he would ever think of for himself. “We proposed.”

“We?”

“Both of us.” He balanced the phone between his ear and his shoulder, to touch the ring one more time. “At the same time.”

“How cute.”

And he could just _see_ the smile on Max’s face. A mix of patronising and completely caring that raised his hackles every time.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“Let me guess –” Oh, he was definitely grinning now. “You said no.”

“I hate you.”

“But you love Eiji.” Max’s voice turned soft. Teasing. “You love Eiji so much, you want to marry him.”

“Ugh.” Ash shifted away from Eiji, just in case he could hear it. From the smile he was trying to hide, and his flushed cheeks, he already had. “How old are you?”

“So, you're engaged.” And that was serious Max.

Ash looked at the ring on his hand. Found himself smiling. “Yeah.”

“Happy?”

“No, I'm miserable.” He rolled his eyes, so Eiji would know he was joking. He received a grin as bright as their rings.

“You always try so hard to be.” Max’s tone was still light. But then there was a pause. For the first time in the conversation, Max was genuine. “I'm happy for you, Ash.”

His chest went strange at that. And he wondered, for a brief moment – if _he_ – would be happy for him. Probably not. But then, Ash had never been able to come out to his father. Never known if he’d be bothered at the fact Ash loved boys as well as girls.

Maybe Griffin would have talked him around to it. Maybe he’d be happy for Ash.

“Yeah?” he asked the phone. His voice seemed quiet, and far away.

“Yeah. Real happy.” Max’s eyes were probably twinkling. “You - you deserve this.”

This? Ash – deserved – no. His mind couldn’t wrap around that. He couldn’t think in what people did or didn’t deserve.

He turned it into a joke, instead. “Deserve to be tied down to the Japanese klutz?”

Eiji stuck his tongue out at him. “Better than the fussy American.”

“Definitely,” Max said, as Ash covered his mouth was his hand, to smother his chuckle. “Now I'll need a wedding invite, because I'm already planning my speech.”

“Fuck.” It dropped the smirk off Ash’s face. “The planning.”

“Yep. Welcome to hell.”

Ash looked at Eiji. Who had the sun behind him, lighting the back of his dark hair like a halo. Who was smiling at him. Who had asked Ash to marry him. He wondered about saying that it felt more like heaven.

That was too sappy, even for them.

“Dragging you with me," he said, instead.

“See you there, kid.”

“Sure thing, old man.”

They both hung up. Ash sighed, throwing his head back, to look at Eiji. “Happy now?”

Eiji smiled. A soft, happy smile that made him glow. “Very.”

If he was honest, so was Ash. But then, he had felt this way since Banana Fish had ended. Since he and Eiji lived together. Since they were safe.

And, honestly, he had not thought much about the actual _wedding_. Had been so focused on the proposal, on the idea of being engaged, that the idea of organising anything – of standing up and changing vows – seemed like an unnecessary ordeal. Not counting clothes, cake, music – everything else. Wasn’t it enough they both said yes today?

None of it was going to be easy. Not the planning or the wedding, or Eiji leaving Japan for _good_.

But they’d come this far, he thought, taking Eiji’s hand. Receiving another sunshine-like smile.

They would manage.

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N): If there must be an explanation on why Ash's alive, then we'll use the last chapter of 'Skipping Stones' to explain it. I didn't want to add this as a series on it, but - yeah. I can't believe that fic is two years old..  
> Can't believe I'm still writing Banana Fish - I'm such a fandom hopper that its so weird to still have these characters on the go.   
> Anyway, I don't know about a marriage fic, as such. It doesn't super appeal to me to write..I know I'd want one in black and one in white and that the first dance would be Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits, but - don't want to write it lol. (Speaking of music, I have an AshEiji playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Ng9knLS0sgfxGbBR0AIsu)  
> But I do like how this came out, and I hope you all do too! Thank you for reading and do leave thoughts below!  
> <3 XX


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